Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Merry Christmas, Fools!

Here is our Christmas letter, for all you fools that lurk my blog.  I know you are out there.  I am WAY too important/interesting/awesome to not have lurkers. You know it is true.  If you don't know I am kidding, turn away now.  It only gets worse.

Dearest Friends and Family,

Lucky you! You are one of the very few and elect that will be receiving
Merry Christmas newsletter from your favorite Kleinmans this year.! I
loathe newsletters. In fact, if I get one in the mail I open it with a lack of
anticipation. I mean, we all have blogs where we brag all year long about
our picture-perfect lives, right? You may even hear me refer to blogs
as “blah-gs”. I can hardly stand my own blog, hence I have not updated it
( since baby Rex was borned.
Anyhow, here is The Kleinman Family Newsletter 2012. With any luck I will
never send you one again:}

As you probably know, Brian graduated from Marquette in May. He is
now a full fledged endodontist and would love to do a root canal on you.
Whatever, nobody cares about that. You want to hear what he has REALLY
been up to since he now has all this free time on his hands. Well, he has
found a cure for root canals. We know it means that he would be out of
business, but he will make billions when he announces the cure. In fact, he
would like you all to be privy to the cure as our closest and loveliest friends
and family. BRUSH YOUR TEETH. Yep! That’s it! More importantly, brush
your kiddies teeth. Often. Brian’s research concluded that the fuzzy end
of the toothbrush typically works best. Brian came in fourth in the Tour
de France this summer. He trained extremely hard for it! All those snowy
months and hours on the trainer in the basement inWisconsin paid off.

As for me, I grew a baby this year, but my awesomeness does not even
start with growing a human. I have figured out how to grow an extra arm.
I have always complained that I can grow an entire human but could not
grow an extra arm to help me deal with said human. Well, I have figured it
out. Finally. True, I walk around with three arms and because of said 10 lb
arm, I can also complain that I have not lost the baby weight, but it is worth
it. I also ran the Chicago Marathon in October and got third over all. Yes,
just four weeks after Baby Rex arrived I nearly won the Chicago Marathon.
Eat your heart out Paula Radcliff. I am also training for the Cross Fit Games
next summer, along with auditioning for Project Runway. The only thing is
that they don’t want me to design. They love me so much they offered me
Heidi Klum’s spot as judge and total bad A. Look out for me on Lifetime in

Konrad is as advanced as ever. He was admitted in to the American
Lutheran Preschool, which also happens to be a Harvard feeder school. So
we are saving our money for Harvard tuition in about 14 years, but we
also know that he will more than likely get a fencing scholarship to pay for
his Harvard tuition, so we are not too worried about it. Konrad can read,
spell and has made up his own language, both written and spoken. He
just got done reading the Encyclopedia Britannica for the second time this
year. I keep telling him to just read Wikipedia because it is more up to date
anyways. He argues that that the articles on Wiki not always fact based, as
anyone can edit them. I will concede that to him (but don’t tell him that).

Rodney is a wizard. I know it. He has special powers and I am pretty sure
that the toilet in our second bathroom is a door to the Ministry of Magic. I
don’t have hard proof, but I think that is where Rodney Roo goes nightly.
Maybe he is just the janitor. My resolution is to find out for sure. He is
currently composing a symphony, inspired by the heavenly sounds that
abound in our lovely home. He is hell bent on learning the French horn.
He’s not so good at it, but hopefully the wizarding thing will shed some light
on the secret to learning the French horn. I told him that if said symphony
does not land him a spot in Julliard, he is no son of mine.

Now there is Rex. He was borned on September 16, 2011. He is great. He
may be even more advanced than his older brothers. Let me tell you of
his genius. He has found his hands!! I know! His hands! He can actually
grasp things! So advanced. I am also certain that he referred to me as
Emily Christine Kleinman last week. I told him it was probably a lot easier
just to call me “mommy”, but if he insists, who am I to stunt the growth
of his vocabulary? I think he is going to be the one to go to Dental School
and take over Northern Arizona Endodontics. His motor skills and hand-eye
coordination are unparalleled. He must be a superhero. He can’t fly yet, but
I will keep you all posted.
That’s about it for the Kleinmans! We love and miss you all.


***LIZ*** said...

I love to stalk your blog. Hey come visit me down in Phx some time. I would love to see you, even though witnessing your superior mothering and advanced children will probably lead me to feel totally inferior and cry in a corner for a few days....

pam flo said...

The story about Konrad reading the Encyclopedia Brittanica TWICE and understanding its accuracy is amazing. I work at ComBlu, a PR firm in Chicago, and would love to talk to you about this. I am doing some work for Britannica...can I call or e-mail you? My e-mail is

Pam Flores